Mom talk

Does listening to certain types of moms talk ever wish you had a concealed carry permit? I was at the gym the other day and I overheard these two moms planning a get together with their families. It should have been a simple 30 second conversation:

Mom1: Hey, come over for dinner tomorrow at 7. We're making burgers.
Mom2: Want me to bring anything?
Mom1: Yeah, bring Sangria.
Mom2: Alright, see you then.

Instead the conversation was:

Mom1: Yeaaaaaaah, we really need to get together.
Mom2: I know! Our kids play so well together and I haven't gotten to see you in a looooooooooong time.
Mom1: I knooooooow! Well, what would could we do to get in some girlfriend time?
Mom2: Why don't we have dinner together?
Mom1: Oh, yes, we should do that! You know we bought that new grill, I wonder if we could grill something on it together?
Mom2: Yeeeaaaaah, that would be greaaaaaat. How about burgers? Would your kids eat burgers?
Mom1: Yeah they would love that, what about your kids?
Mom2: Oh yeah, my kids will eat it. Unless you'd rather have hotdogs. Will your kids eat hotdogs?
Mom1: Yes, of course, unless you'd rather have burgers.
Mom2: Well why don't we have both?
Mom1: I hate to ask this, but would you mind bringing drinks?
Mom2: Oh, anything! What would you like?
Mom1: Well, I love sangria.
Mom2: Ohhhhhhh, well, I don't know how to make it, but I'll be glad to try to make it.
Mom1: I've got a recipe you can use.
Mom2: Well, you know I'm no good at following other people's recipes, but I certainly would be happy to make it even though I don't know how.
Mom1: Are you sure? Oh, nevermind, why don't I make it?
Mom2: Yeah, I hate to ask you to make it because I would be happy to make it, but I don't know how to make it.

SHUT THE FUCK UP! FOR FUCK'S SAKE!!! Cunt 1, tell Cunt 2 you're havin burgers. Cung 2, tell Cunt 1 you're not makin sangria. IS THAT SO FUCKING HARD?!

It's even worse when you get two moms with kids in the same grade. It becomes some kind of bizarre matriarchal pissing contest. The following conversation is bound to happen:

Mom1: How's your boy doing in school?
Mom2: Great! He's got all A's. He's in all honors classes.
Mom1: Ohhhh...that's good. My boy is in all gifted classes.
Mom2: Oh, did I say honors? Maybe it's gifted. I'm not sure. Whatever the highest is.
Mom1: Well, is your son taking the SAT next month?
Mom2: He's in 4th grade.
Mom1: Yes, but there's that early assessment test they did and my son scored so well on that that his teachers recommended he take the SAT.
Mom2: Ohhhh, that's right...yeah, my boy took that too, but he's taking the ACT.

Once again, you sit there, trying to come up with something to steer the conversation in a less boring direction. Perhaps to a place that more than two people in the fucking universe care about. You try to think of something polite, and somehow related to the topic so they don't suspect you're secretly wishing your brain would spontaneously implode, but all you can think to say is, "SHUTTHEFUCKUPSHUTTHEFUCKUPSHUTTHEFUCKUPSHUTTHEFUCKUPSHUTTHEFUCKUPSHUTTHEFUCKUPSHUTTHEFUCKUPSHUTTHEFUCKUPSHUTTHEFUCKUPSHUTTHEFUCKUPSHUTTHEFUCKUPSHUTTHEFUCKUPSHUTTHEFUCKUPSHUTTHEFUCKUPSHUTTHEFUCKUPSHUTTHEFUCKUPSHUTTHEFUCKUPSHUTTHEFUCKUPSHUTTHEFUCKUPSHUTTHEFUCKUPSHUTTHEFUCKUPSHUTTHEFUCKUPSHUTTHEFUCKUPSHUTTHEFUCKUPSHUTTHEFUCKUPSHUTTHEFUCKUPSHUTTHEFUCKUP!!!!! I KNOW BOTH OF YOUR LITTLE FUCKIN BASTARD KIDS AND THEY'RE BOTH UGLY, STUPID, ANNOYING, LITTLE PRICKS, SO SHUT THE FUCK UP!!!"