Friday, September 30, 2011

When ugly people die...

Humans are shallow, shallow beings. Anyone who claims otherwise is kidding themselves. If you think you're not shallow, let me reassure you.

Do you ever notice what people say when an attractive person dies? The following dialogue is bound to take place:

Person 1: Did you hear that Jenna von Hottiepants died?
Person 2: Oh my god, that's terrible!
Person 1: I know. I'm really going to miss her.
Person 2: Yeah, and she was so pretty too.

Apparently, her being so pretty is the main thing her life amounted to. All her accomplishments, all her achievements, who she was as a person, PBTHBTHBTH! Apparently, the real travesty is that the planet has one less hot person on it. If she were ugly, the whole thing would be less tragic.

This happens a lot when news of dead soldiers hits. There's a picture of some fine-ass Marine in full uniform that you'd just love to wrap your legs around. You see the pic, hear that he died, and all you can think is, "Damn, another guy died in this senseless war....and he was so hot, too." Don't bullshit yourself, you know you've thought these things and likely said these things before.

Conversely, when an ugly person dies, the following dialogue is bound to take place:

Person 1: Did you hear Suzie von Ugmo died?
Person 2: Aw, that's too bad.
Person 1: Yup. Well, I gotta go take a shit. See ya later.

The End.

So, if you're ugly, rejoice. People won't be very sad when you die. Isn't that great?

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