Tuesday, October 4, 2011

Bod Mods

I'm beyond tired of tattoos. There, I said it. Most of 'em are fuckin ugly, but EVERYONE has to have one now. A handful of folks can pull it off, but overall, they just make people look like they need a shower or spilled something on themselves. Have you ever tried to swat a bug off someone's arm only to discover it's actually a really ugly tattoo?

It's like when some new ugly handbag becomes trendy, and everyone runs out and spends a thousand dollars on it, because it's, "IN" right now. Only in this case, you'd never be able to buy another handbag in your life....you could, however, try reshaping the bag to somehow look less ugly or retarded...and you'd fail.

The following types of tats are the most annoying:

butterflies: yeah that's original
ankle tattoos for girls: makes you look like a slut
tribals on guys: makes you look like a douchebag
caligraphy on ANYONE: makes you look stupid and uncreative (derp, I couldn't come up with concept art, so I just wrote stuff in pretty letters)
stars: again, you're sooooo original!
names: whoever it is, even if it's "Mom" or your own name, just in case you forge, you, at some point in your life, will hate this person and then hate yourself for having them permanently ON YOU
Chinese characters: you don't even know what they mean, stop it! Just because the asshole in the tattoo parlor says it means something doesn't mean that it means something. Ever seen that site, engrish.com? You more than likely have similar things permanently marked on your skin. Someone who does know what they mean is probably playing a cruel joke on you, and you deserve it.

Oh, and folks, STOP STRETCHING YOUR EARS OUT! You're not in a tribe in Africa, ok? You look fuckin stupid when you do it, like your head got stuck under a riveter. Guys look particularly ridiculous. With girls, at least it might be able to pass as some sort of big, ugly earring.

And what's the reward? You can't even wear 99% of earrings after you do it. You can just wear increasingly large ugly loops with little balls on the end or some kinda ugly rubber tribal looking shit. IT LOOKS RETARDED!

Blugh! It's your body, so do what you want with it, but why you'd want to permanently mark yourself as a dumb, generic, slutty, unoriginal, uncreative DOUCHE, be my guest. It will make you easier to point out when I start assassinating idiots.

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